The All-Ireland Talent Show

I just watched an episode of RTE's glossy new tumour, 'The All-Ireland Talent Show', which is fairly predictable fare as far as talent-based reality shows go. In fact, the more RTE tries to shrink successful British and American shows down and just sellotape the same formula to an 'Irish version', the more depressing and cringeworthy they become. I'm looking forward to the 'Irish version' of Skins, which will be filmed in a skip in Carrick-on-Shannon and star George Hook and Twink as disillusioned teenagers washing down handfuls of Disprin with TK and crying about being forced to grow up too fast. Not that there's anything wrong with trying something that's been done before; if any of RTE's flagship programmes which rip off successful structures were actually BETTER than the originials, obviously there wouldn't be a problem. As it is, it feels like they're trying to entice viewers away from a three course meal with a penguin bar and half a packet of crisps.

Because 'Talent' is one of the main words in the title, there's a reel at the beginning of the show in which each slightly-forgotten/half-recognisable judge says something encouraging about the abundant 'talent' in Ireland. How we're in a country of people brimming with 'talent' and looking for that one shot at fame. Somehow, I don't think they really prove their point by ripping off every other TV show you've ever seen, but maybe they hope the content will speak for itself.

And 'Talent' is obviously a dubious term to use when the audition stages of these shows attract the inordinate stream of deluded and fame-hungry crosseyed freaks they seem to. Some of them brim with talent, some of them brim with something that might be talent, some of them brim with something that looks like it might be aggravated venereal desease, but nobody can be sure. I'm sure a panel of celebrities with rapidly-deflating careers can decide.

Usually the producer of the show can depend on the contestants to be bizarre and edit together a well-tempered freak show to keep the audience like slightly dazed goldfish. The funny thing here is that for the most part, the performers they showed in the show were really very good. They seemed so well-adjusted to the real world and had such earnest reasons for wanting to succeed that they made the judges look like weird mistakes.

A group of male tenor singers from Donegal gave a strong vocal performance, and when they'd finished one of the judges recomended they try co-ordinating their shirts. ???

But it's not all bad insight and worse insight, Grainne Seoige's in it for about a minute and while it's not really entertaining or worth watching or anything, it does give indefatigable evidence that Dana has all the charisma of a boiled shite.